Wednesday, October 19, 2011

From Where I Sit: Finding Romance

"Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time." That's one of my favorite quotes from the romantic comedy, "Dream for an Insomniac."

I've always been a hopeless romantic. I'd watch countless romantic movies in high school and hope that someday I too would have what I was seeing on the big screen. I knew that these were just movies, but they always gave me hope that one day someone would love me just as passionately.

I was asked not long ago by Ruth a question to be answered in the "From Where I Sit" segment. Since this week is devoted to love, I thought this question was quite appropriate.

Q. Did you ever feel like your disability might prevent you from getting married?

A. Plain and simple, no I never did. I did however think that my prince charming would have to be one of very special qualities. After all, there are differences that come with dating/marrying me.

I was always the girl growing up with more guy friends than girl friends. Some of the most popular guys in my high school I would spend countless hours on the phone with after school or chatting it up in the halls as they would walk with me to class. I watched as they would go through one girlfriend after another and I seemed to be their sounding board.

This might sound not so fun to you right? Watching guys that you have a crush on date your friends or classmates all the while inside you secretly wish they were dating you.

Well, for me it was a double edge sword. Ya, there were times that I wanted to be those girls, but when all was said and done, these guys were done with them and still very involved in my life. . .I win.

I knew that at the high school age, most (not all) guys (or girls for that matter) are not at the maturity level to date someone who is "different". They are not ready for the questions or stares or differences dating a person with a disability entails.

For me, my first true boyfriend came in my second year of college. He was a true catch! Very attractive, a baseball player for his college and just an all around sweet guy. We were together about eight months, and then due to distance decided things were better for us to just be friends.

After that the world of dating seemed to open up for me. I had numerous guys ask me out on dates throughout my college career, and I seemed to be living the "normal" dating lifestyle. Suddenly the fact I was in a wheelchair did not matter anymore.

As mature as a person may be when it comes to dating/marrying a person with a disability, I am no dummy. I know there has to be a willingness to take on the added responsibilities that go along with it. For instance, my husband has to help me in and out of bed, get dressed, shower, etc. Marrying me is not like marrying someone else and I realize even a guy that might be totally in to me may not be ready or able or willing to take on all of me; and I was always OK with that. I got it.

Even with that in mind, I NEVER thought I would not find my true love and one day get married. Perhaps it was my upbringing that was full of love and acceptance. Perhaps it is my attitude towards my situation; that I am no different than anyone else. I just knew that there would be someone out there for me, and it didn't have to be another disabled person. I was deserving of someone's love and when the right person came along, I would have my romantic movie. Now five years in to marriage, I'd say we're off to a box office hit wouldn't you?!

7 comments:

  1. Great blog...I hate when people say( you know who one of them is, Jamie)" Oh, the reason why John is with her, he feels sorry for her." OR " Oh, so sweet Jamie feel in love with someone who takes such good care of her." I mean its like your an invalid and can't do anything..My god, Jamie..all you can't do is walk. That still bothers me...Yes, I'm hearing Impaired, I don't have much friends...I HAVE NO LIFE..LOL!! The only life I have is when I go see the Osmond Brothers and that it...*sigh* they are my true love..LOL!! But I'm a responsible person..I can stay home alone( although my uncle treats me as I'm 5 and need a babysitter!!) for the weekend. I do the laundry, cook( but now we have Ken, I don't do them) I volunteer..

    If I lived alone, I would find the right guy, NOT someone that is chosen for me..or think, "Oh your hearing impaired, you go with this guy, because he's mentally disable." I am not being mean, but I'm lot like my mom..I want to be dined, I want to go out and have fun..I want a guy that I'm with to be like my brother, Jon..YOUR John..and I bet your dad is the same way..

    I'm SO thrilled for you and John. Love you both so much. Love and Hugs. Tell John hi for me

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  2. I love when you talk about love :)

    The faith that you approached this with is really helpful to me. I hope that I can also have that trust that I deserve to be loved. That's something that I have to learn, it doesn't come naturally to me.

    Kristin, great point that people way too often assume that the person with a disability is not contributing to the relationship, which is such BS!

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  3. I'm so glad you enjoyed this post Ruth! To reiterate, OF COURSE you are deserving of finding love. . .and you will. I swear the old saying is true that when you stop looking for it and trying to make it happen it comes and practically slaps you in the face. It seemed for me that when I stopped worrying about when it would happen for me. . .it did :)

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  4. Awww, hopeless romantic. I can definitely see that in you. :) It's definitely true that love will find you when you least expect it.

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  5. Ya Bonnie, I think I am LOL. I've always wanted to have the head over heels kind of love :)

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  6. Great post. Your optimism is incredible since I'm sure there are quite a few out there who probably feel they'll never find love, friendships whatever is because of some quality about them. There's someone for everyone!

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