Tuesday, September 27, 2011

From Where I Sit: Let's Talk About Sex Baby!

I wondered how long it would take for the inevitable, "I'm curious about the sex thing," question would enter the new From Where I Sit Feature of I Look Good Today. As promised, I will do my best to answer those tough questions that have been plaguing your mind regarding the disabled world.

So let's start out with the question posed to me by an anonymous reader:

Q. "So yeah. I'm curious about the sex thing. I figured since your legs don't work, neither does anything below the waist. Can you feel it? I figured the guy has to do all the work since you can't move your legs. I guess woman on top is out. What about doggy? Or missionary? I guess I'm interested to know about the mechanics of it all. Don't leave it as yeah I can have sex."

A. For me what happens in the bedroom is pretty "normal." I understand that there is often a misconception that if you can't walk, you obviously cannot move or feel anything below the waist. For me neither is true. I can move and feel everything 100% normally. My issue is that I have a muscle weakness that prevents me from being able to stand or walk. So in my case, the events that go on in the bedroom are really nothing out of the ordinary.

Some differences for my husband and I? The biggest would be that he has to put me on the bed. I can't transfer myself. Also, I cannot undress myself totally, so again, his help is needed. Now, I don't know about you ladies, but I do not see a problem with either of these, and if this is my biggest challenge with being romantic with my husband, that's fine with me.

I am lucky in this respect that myself and my husband can enjoy each other without much, if any, alterations. For those with disabilities that are more involved, then yes, I am 100% sure that what you and I would consider "normal" is not so for them, but at the same time, they find out what works for them. We all have our little "thing" that turns us on, so they need to find and utilize what does it for them.

One thing that does bum me out is the fact that sexy lingerie is sorta out for me. Not that I am against it by any means, but since I need help getting dressed what am I gonna do say, "Hey Honey, can you help me put this cute little number on?" Ahhh no, what would be the point?  For me it would be sort of a mood breaker, what do you think?

Keep this in mind. Sex doesn't always have to mean actual intercourse. I think people forget what a turn on a touch, a kiss, etc can really be. I truly believe when it comes down to it, it all depends on having the right partner, whether you are disabled or not. You want someone that you feel 100% comfortable with; who accepts you, imperfections and all. You want someone you love that loves you back. When you have those things in your favor, the passion you have will leave you trembling for more.


  1. I would add too that for complete spinal cord injuries, even for people who can't feel or move that area of their bodies, there are solutions.

    SCI women can get pregnant and have babies. SCI men can get hard either through direct touch or through medication.

    Great point that sex doesn't always have to mean just intercourse! Just being naked and close to someone is such a wonderful experience. Human touch is a great thing.

    I don't think there is *anyone* who is too physically disabled to have sex.

  2. I have something of my own to share. I gave a lift to a disabled coworker b/c her bus was running late. UPS left a rather large box at her door and I brought it in for her. I passed her bedroom (the door was open) and I saw this contraption hanging from the ceiling. I did a double take and saw that it was a pleasure swing. The kind you see in those sex catalogs. My coworker noticed my curiosity and called me on it. She said (rather matter of factly, I might add) that is how she and her boyfriend have sex. I admit the thought of disabled people having sex was foreign to me. I never thought of them in that sense. And Ruth, I have to disagree with you. Sex implies intercourse. Getting naked and touching is just foreplay.

  3. I love how candid you are in your blog! It is interesting to see the differences in how people have sex and their sexual experiences. I'm glad that you guys have found what works for you. While sex implies intercourse, everyone has their "thing" that they enjoy doing outside of actual sex - kissing, touching, etc.

    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

  4. I'm glad you all enjoyed the first installment of From Where I Sit. Please continue to comment or ask a new question. I love hearing from you.

  5. Never thought of disabled people having sex? Wow, that surprises me. They are people. They have the same desires and interests as any other people.

    I personally define sex in a much broader sense than just intercourse, but I know not everyone does. I have yet to learn of any case where a person was not capable of having full intercourse, but in the case where he or she can't feel it, they may prefer other kinds of closeness and sexual energy.

    My personal opinion is that oral sex is called oral sex because it is sex, as an example.

  6. Okay, Jamie, my question is:

    Did you ever feel like your disability might prevent you from having a job and getting married and all those kinds of life goals?

  7. Awesome questions Ruth! I will be happy to answer those in some upcoming posts :) Thanks for asking!