Today I am a bit perplexed. Living my life sitting down, I am sure you can imagine the questions and comments I have received about my disability. However I recently received a comment that still has my mind boggled.
I was out to dinner with friends when a couple who was leaving walked by our table. As they approached, what I am assuming to be the husband of the pair, stops, puts his hand on my shoulder and says,
"You are way too beautiful to be in a wheelchair!"
A hush came over our chattering table. With astonishment of the comment, that I propose was meant to be a compliment, I smiled, not truly knowing if I should be flattered or offended, and answered with the only response I could think of on the fly,
"Thank you."
After the couple was out of earshot my friends and I started discussing this random comment. What do my looks and being in a wheelchair have to do with one another? NOTHING!
It is really sad to me what the perception, even in 2013, of individuals with disabilities is evidently supposed to be. Goodness, can you imagine if I was absolutely unsightly and in a wheelchair? Is that what this gentleman was implying that most people in wheelchairs are? I guess so from his comment.
I have always been very aware of my appearance. I have always cared about my looks. Don't misunderstand what I am saying here. I have never been a premadona, so stuck on her looks that she carries an arrogance about her. The kind of concern I am implying is that, I take pride in ME.
As you know, I love fashion. I love makeup. I love trying different hairstyles. I don't focus my outward appearance on my disability. I don't let it define me.
I am truly flattered that others find me attractive, I am. However, I think my true beauty comes from within, as with anyone. It comes from the person that I am on the inside - the caring, friendly, spunky, loving girl that would do anything for those she cares about and who wants to make a difference in people's lives.
You would love the Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. It's a must-read for any smart and pretty woman.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, wheel chair and looks have nothing to do with each other, but there's this attitude that pretty people are and should be "perfect." As if every gorgeous person has had a perfect life and experiences no hardships in their life. BAH. People are people and they come in all different shapes and sizes.
Let me know if you read that.
Thanks for the heads up on Beauty Myth! I will definitely read it!
DeleteWe all need to realize that not one person has the perfect life. Some people display a constant smile to cover their hurt inside. We all are evolving each day. You are so right when saying that one's beauty comes from the inside. I think that this gentleman didn't realize what & how he had said that, but wanted to express how lovely he thought you are.
ReplyDeleteI definitely don't think he meant any harm, and that he truly was trying to be complimentary, but the comment was just. . .odd.
ReplyDeleteI really don't think he thought he was being rude. Sometimes comments that are meant to be compliments, come out the wrong way. Beauty comes from within :)
ReplyDeleteI agree Sylvia. I don't think he did either. I wasn't mad, just shocked. I had never been told such a thing.
DeleteWow, strange!
ReplyDeleteIt strikes me that perhaps he thought you were recovering from an injury and was trying to be encouraging? Like you would tell a child with an arm cast that "You'll have that cast off in no time!"
Probably didn't occur to him that you rock your chair in style 24/7. :-)
That is a very good point! I never thought of it like that. I love that you think I rock my chair in style!
Delete